If I Was President of the NRA…

If I ran the National Rifle Association (NRA), I’d realize my job is to protect the interests of the people who make lots of money from selling, servicing and making weapons.  How do I keep the arms money machine printing in light of a deranged man killing dozens of first graders and teachers in Connecticut?

Looking back over the past few years, I’ve seen Columbine and I can do the math as easily as anyone else:  If we have 350,000,000 people in the USA, the odds are that we’re going to have one lunatic per year get some guns and blow away a bunch of innocents.  I’ve got to stop people from taking the obvious step of blaming assault rifles and semi-automatic pistols.

So, after Columbine, me and my other lackies put in a multi-faceted plan to deflect and defuse the inevitable event:

  • Arranged, indirectly, surrogates to publicly argue against gun control.  These people are a combination of zealots or simply have sufficiently low morals to advocate anything for a dollar.  Most of these guys go through the PR firms that the NRA pays big money to so they can’t be traced back to us easily.  These are the soldiers I’ll send into war on Fox, CNN or your local talk radio station.  Throw in a crazy congressman or three who thinks school principals should be packing heat for good measure!
  • Taken the NRA out of the discussion.  We’re staying off the social networks where people actually realize that most other people think we need better gun control.  In fact, we deleted our Twitter and Facebook accounts for just this reason.
  • Prepared deflection strategies to deploy based upon the event.  For Newton, CT, we’re making this a mental health issue to keep people from doing the simple math of “Crazy people + lots of guns designed for human slaughter == Many dead innocents”.  (We all know we can’t get rid of crazy people so the math is obvious!)

Of course, I’m not the President of the NRA nor the gun lobby but it’s important for us all to see what they’re doing.  Let’s not get distracted from reality:

                *A few people make lots of money building arms in America and selling them here and abroad.  They’ll play us through FUD (Fear Uncertainty and Doubt) to keep the money machine rolling.  Yes, mental health is a real issue in the US but without factories cranking out guns like the AR-15 or TEC-9s, we’d have fewer of the type of mass slaughters we’ve seen recently — or at least fewer people dying when someone does go crazy.  *

Michael Girdley